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My Guardian Angel Is A Cockblocker – Part 7

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Donovan swept a lock of brown hair behind his ear. Alex tried not to notice his cousin’s amazing blue eyes as they stared at each other across his bed. “I tried not to be picked, but I had no choice. Your father suggested it and mine accepted before I could say no.”

“Then you should have changed his mind.” This close to his cousin, alone, he felt his control threatened. He needed to relax before he did something foolish. “How could you think I’d want you this close to me?”

“It’s been over four years. I thought….”

“You thought what? That I’d forgotten? That I wouldn’t mind? What Donny? What did you think?” When Alex threw his arms out, Donovan flinched and took a defensive posture. “Relax, I’m not going to attack you.”

“I thought that if you were still mad, you’d have said something to your parents by now.”

Looking closer, Alex noticed sadness in his cousin’s eyes that he’d never seen before. Of course he’d barely looked at Donovan in four years.

“I didn’t tell them.” Alex closed his eyes and couldn’t stop the memory of what had happened from appearing in his mind. “My father would’ve killed you if I had.”

Donovan didn’t answer and Alex let the silence linger until he felt steadier. Though his cousin was still beautiful, he looked different. No doubt he’d spent the last four years waiting for the axe to fall. He probably felt a huge sense of relief when Quinton suggested him for the mission.

“Why didn’t you tell him?”

Alex snorted and tried to laugh. “Did you want me to?”

“Sometimes. ” He turned and faced the wall. “I’d get so nervous whenever I saw your father, I almost wished you’d have told him just to get it over with.”

He didn’t want to talk about anything regarding that night, especially not with Donny. Unfortunately, he knew nothing short of telling his father would get Donny removed.

Angst made him feel like he’d throw up at any minute. He could feel the adrenaline course through him, causing his heart to pound harder. Being with Austin earlier had created its own anxieties, but the two feelings were nothing alike.

Before Donovan could turn around, Alex moved to the small window next to his desk. He tried to focus on the clear sky and the stars winking above. That, however, only reminded him that Donny taught him most of what he knew about astronomy. Part of his reason for wanting to learn was to be nearer to the cousin he idolized and later was in love with. They’d lay head to shoulder, looking up, and Donny would point to the different stars and constellations.

Finding no comfort, he closed his eyes. “You know why I didn’t tell them.”

“I don’t deserve your silence.”

“Probably not, but what you did, that wasn’t the Donny I…I knew.” Not the one he’d have done anything for. “At first I just hurt physically. Then when I realized you weren’t coming back it…caused other issues.”

“I should have. I wanted to, but…well you were very clear you didn’t want to see me again.”

Alex felt a tear roll down his cheek, but refused to wipe it. He’d been angry when he told his cousin to get the fuck away and never come back. Eventually he’d moved past what happened–moved past them. But not before he waited months for Donny to come back, call, email, something.

“Doesn’t it help that I’m so sorry for what I did?”

“No and yes.” He might–probably would have forgiven Donny if he’d said that right after. At least he didn’t say he was sorry for what happened. When Alex finally turned, he realized his cousin had moved closer. “It’s a bit late, but it still gives me some closure.”

“I mean it, Alex. I really am sorry. Seeing you again, I realize just how much.” He used the back of his hand to wipe his cheeks. “Take care of yourself and don’t let my father push you around.”

Donny started to walk toward the door, but Alex grabbed him by the arm. He snatched his hand back, but didn’t retreat. “Where are you going?”

“To make sure your father removes me.”

Alex twisted his way forward and put his hands on his cousin’s chest. He ignored the feelings bubbling inside. “Donny, stop. He will kill you.”

“A minute ago you told me to find a way to get removed. That’s what I’m doing.” He stepped back and to his right, but Alex moved with him, blocking the way.

“I didn’t … mean I don’t…damn it, Donny, just stop!” He closed his eyes and balled up his fists. Locking his eyes on his cousin’s , he growled. “Ugh!”

Donny reached up, but let his hands drop before he made contact. “Four years ago I betrayed your trust and ignored your pain to do what I wanted. Then, like a coward, I slinked away hoping you cared about me enough not to say anything. Coming here, I’d hoped you’d tolerate me enough that I could do this for you. Believe it or not I do want you to be safe.

“Your body language, however, screams at me the pain my presence causes you. This time I’m not going to put myself first. What happened was inexcusable. Anyone with any decency wouldn’t do that to someone they loved. But I was incredibly selfish and I did. I’m not that person anymore. I won’t deliberately hurt you again, no matter what it costs me.”

Alex’s chest burned and he realized he’d stopped breathing. He couldn’t tell how long they’d stood facing each other, but when he felt his cousin touch the wards on the room, he blinked and gasped for air.

“Don’t.” He seized the wards and made certain Donny couldn’t leave. Alex took several breaths to regain his control. Keeping his head down he said, “You asked me why I didn’t say anything…I kept silent because…because I loved you. At first I thought you’d come back and apologize. Make it better. I even hoped we’d try again, and you’d make sure it felt good like you promised.

“When you never came back, I hated you. Hated you so much that I might have tried to kill you. Finally, when my parents noticed the drastic change in my behavior, I lied and told them that I wasn’t dealing very well with being gay. I knew I needed help, but even then, I couldn’t tell anyone the truth. There was always that tiny part of me that hoped you’d come back.”

Pulling his eyes off the floor, he locked gazes with Donny.

“I don’t love you anymore–not like that–but I don’t want anything to happen to you either. I also don’t want to relive that night again.”

Donny nodded. They stared at each other for several heartbeats. Finally, Donny licked his lips. “So, now what?”

Swallowing loudly, Alex let the tension drain from his body. “We figure out how to make this work.”

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